It’s Mother’s Day again, and I’m trying to make it through, because this day reminds me of all the things I miss about you.

I miss your face smiling down at me, with love shining from your eyes.
I miss the way you’d laugh at my silly songs and actions so hard that it made you cry.

I miss the touch of your dear hands,how gentle and kind they could be.
I miss the warmth of your hugs, and how you’d wrap me up tight as could be.

I miss the way you could always tell when something had gone wrong with me, how you’d talk and smile till I felt better, your words soothed me like a song.

And so I sit here once again remembering these things I miss, and this year; just like every year, i make a silent wish:

I wish that one day I’ll see you again, Whole safe and sound.
That you’ll take my hand securely in yours, and for Heaven we’ll be bound.

I could spend each Mother’s Day in sorrow, Crying and wishing you were here, but instead I choose to celebrate your life, a life I still hold so dear.

I know you’d rather see me smile than stand here with tears in my eyes.
So I’ll do my best to honor your memory, and you’ll live on as long as I am alive.

Dedicated to my mum: late Mrs Lydia Deshi IMG-20160127-WA002.png

Diaries of a Gurl in Love


As Jeff stood up, putting on his shirt and zipping his trouser with a triumphant look on his face, Suzan lay on the carpet of the floor in the parlor. Her face was drenched with tears and sweat, her trouser too, drenched in her sweat, tears and blood.

Suzan had cried so much that she couldn’t cry any longer, her voice was lost, all she could do was lay back and flash back at the memories of her relationship, how it all began, how she met this handsome demon.

It was a cold Saturday morning, she was lying lazily on Lynette’s bed as she was spending that weekend in the hostel. She had picked her phone and turned on her data, of course she went straight to Facebook, saw a friend request and decided to check on the person’s profile. It was Jeffery Kalu, gosh he had the cutest face she has ever seen, his pictures told her everything she needed to know, his physique, the packs, the hair, he practically looked like an angel, she immediately accepted the friend request, a message popped up, it was Jeff saying hello as if he was waiting for her to accept the request.

They chatted and talked on Facebook, Imo, Whatsapp, everywhere, every minute of every day until the mishap; the day Jeff raped her.

She tried picturing all the events and happenings that occurred during the period of dating Jeff to find out if he gave her some clues about being a rapist or so. She wanted to check if she did anything that gave him the opportunity to do this wicked act, if she was just blind not to have noticed his intensions from the beginning or if she was just stupid to have fallen in love like that and to give her heart and trust so easily. She felt hurt, betrayed, stupid, naive, angry and mad at Jeff and at herself, she kept going over and over feeling bad for herself and crying till she fell asleep.

Suzan woke up the next day feeling sore and tired. She tried to push away yesterday’s thought but it was difficult. She cleaned up all the mess and got ready for school, Lynette noticed her friend was not looking okay, she tried finding out what was wrong but Suzan said she was okay, Lynette didn’t want to push further as she knew her friend, whatever it is, she was gonna hint her on it whenever she was ready.

Suzan kept this secret so bad that it was eating her up, she was scared of being pregnant, she was scared of the stigma that might follow her, she feared people will blame her for inviting him over to her home when she knew she was all alone, she couldn’t bear the pain of telling her best friend that the cute, loving and romantic prince charming of hers was a rapist, so she just told Lynette she broke up with Jeff because he was a jerk.

Two months later, Suzan got a mail. It was Jeff; she couldn’t believe the demon had some nerve writing her, she was so angry she couldn’t open it and read. Lynette convinced her to read it saying maybe he realized he made a mistake and was sorry or maybe he felt bad about how things ended or maybe he wanted her back. But she was in the dark, she didn’t know about the rape, she thought it was just a break up and felt Suzan should forgive Jeff and let go.

After much persuasion, Suzan read the mail. Jeff apologized for being a selfish son of a b****, he confessed and told her what really brought him to Nigeria. He told her he had never felt guilty after the 4 rape episodes he had had, till her case and he could no longer keep it to himself.  After he had told his mom, she advised him to apologize even if Suzan won’t accept the apology.

He confessed falling in love with her, he promised to keep emailing her even if she won’t open or read them. He told her how she had changed him, she had made him a better person. He felt there wasn’t need for him to rape girls again, he felt disgusted at himself. He was really sorry, he just wanted an opportunity to start all over again, especially with her.

Suzan cried after reading it, she was still angry at Jeff. How could he say he still loved her, how would he toy with her heart?  She trusted him more than she had loved him but he threw her love and trust to the dogs. She felt she could never forgive him though she still loved him, she had become so scared that the slightest touch from someone, male or female got her startled, she had shut out her male friends, had almost stopped eating, felt miserable all thanks to Jeff, no she could not forgive him.

She deleted the mail, blocked him on Facebook, deleted his number and deleted all the pictures they had taken together on her phone. He had his chance, he lost it.

Watch out for part 2

Diaries of a gurl in love


Weeks passed and Suzan was falling more and more in love with Jeff, her mum noticed her cheerful spirit but never asked her about it.

Jeff was a secret between Suzan, Lean her kid sis and Lynette her friend. Meanwhile, Jeff was trying to explain to his mum why he wouldn’t return home that weekend, Jeff actually lied to Suzan. Yes he was an only child to a Togolese mum and a Nigerian dad but a 3rd year student in Stanford college New York.

He was charged with a rape case in school, his dad decided to send him back to Nigeria for a while to reduce the tension and chaos. He then decided to flex awhile and have fun before heading back, unfunately for Suzan, she fell into the wrong hands, becoming a victim of circumstances.

It was a Thursday, Suzan just came back home from lectures and was so so tired when her dad called, telling her to get herself and her kid sister ready, he was coming to get them to go to Ibadan for a thanksgiving service. His younger brother got promoted to Air vice marshal (AVM), so he had invited the whole family to come over to Ibadan and rejoice with them. Suzan’s dad had called their mum first to inform her about the thanksgiving but she insisted that he told the kids himself.

Suzan was reluctant at first because she hated her cousins, they were pompous, arrogant and spoilt, but she wanted to please her dad so she agreed. She called Jeff and told him she will be spending her weekend in Ibadan and will return on sunday. He was not happy as he had plans too for the weekend, his flight was for Monday.


When they had started the so-called relationship, he was just out for fun, he didn’t know Suzan will be so into him and the relationship thingy. She had established the fact that she was a virgin at 22 and was ready to continue being a “V” till she was 25. She was planning to get married at the age of 25.

Bullshit Jeff thought, as sex was the only thing he really wanted from the pretty, intelligent, funny and attractive Suzan. He told her he was okay with her going to Ibadan and he will see her the evening when she returns.


Suzan told her kid sister Leah about the weekend trip and helped her pack up.
The next day was Friday and Suzan’s mum and Dad were getting ready when Suzan returned from lectures informing them of a test coming up the next day which was Saturday. Although she hated school, she was a little bit excited about the test, she won’t have to put up with her annoying cousins for 2 days. Her dad on the other hand wasn’t happy with the news and thought she was lying so he called her level cordinator who happened to be his friend. Dr Eze. confirmed that the test was true, her mum wanted to stay back but Suzan insisted that they go. After serious convincing, Suzan’s dad agreed and her family took off.

Suzan rested and started reading for her test when Jeff called to find out if they had arrived, since they were flying. Suzan told him about the test, he was happy and told her he will soon be at her house. He said he was doing something close to her area.

Jeff showed up at 7:25 pm, Suzan served him rice and stew, they talked about alot of things and she was having real fun, only that she was too hyper-active and laughing alot. She knew she wasn’t high on drugs as she has a very light brain that can’t take even snapp which was just like 2% alcoholic. They watched a movie and were talking about her test when she discovered Jeff was all over her, touching her in an improper way.

She knew she needed to stop him or run or something, but she was too weak to do that. Before she knew what was happenening, Jeff had gone half way undressing her, telling her he had waited for this opportunity a long time ago. He told her if she truly loved him, she would lay back and allow him get what he deserves.

Cold tears were running down her cheecks, she now understood what was happening and the only word she could describe what was coming was rape…

Diaries of a gurl in love


After the long romantic drive that felt like a forever journey, Suzan and Jeff finally arrived at the exquisite chicken republic, one of the best restaurants in Abuja. They talked a lot while they ate, Jeff was basically telling her about his loving and interesting family, as he was talking, all she did was nodd her head as she was seriously thinking about her own family that she hated.

She is the first child to Mr and Mrs Agba, they had her after 9 years of marriage, her mum was a lecturer at the famous university of Abj and her dad was running his own company in Lagos, he was barely home and when he was home,they were either arguing or fighting. Her mum nagged like there was no tomorrow. she hated being in that house, the only consolidation she had was her kid sister Lena who was 2 years younger than she was.

Suzan was so lost in her thoughts that she didn’t hear Jeff calling her name. “Are you okay? Do you wanna get out of this place?”, He asked. All she did was nodd her head, Jeff called the waitress, got their bill, paid and held out his hands for her, she quickly responded and out they went.

Suzan was trying to be cool but she was so so sad and jealous of Jeff, he was an only child to a Nigerian father who works abroad and a Togolese mother, he came back to work in Nigeria, he has been very successful managing one of his father’s companies,what else will she ask for in a man she thought.

Here we are Jeff said, she was shocked to realize she was already home, he hugged her goodnight at her doorstep, and started walking back to his car, he then turned back, walking towards her, he held her and turned her around and kissed her, the moment his lips touched hers, she felt the sparks, the 4th of July kinda sparks and yep there was fireworks.

He left her staggering inside her house and smiled as he drove away to his place……

Diaries Of a gurl in love


 She has been so enthusiastic and juiced up about this date that nothing could possibly make her angry today,not even her anoying kid sister Lena, Suzan couldn’t believe she has been dating Jeff for a month already,the first day they officially met,she felt her heart was gonna jump out, Jeff is “every woman’s fantasy”, he’s tall, handsome, has a job and money, nice physique, single and to cap it all a killing smile, Jeff is whimsical and mushy, I mean that guy gives that Sunday kinda love, it has been an electrifying and thrilling month for Suzan, she was already head over heels in love with Jeff, how this love started is a story for another day

What to wear, the shoes, the make up, should it be light make up since its a dinner? Or a loud one, she was over exhilarent that she couldn’t make a simple decision, just then her phone rang, OMG that smile! It was Jeff calling to let her know he just left his house and on his way to pick her up, she jumped up, picked the skimpy red dress and ran to her younger sister’s room for a simple makeup as she was specialized in crazy and loud makeup, she took those killing black high heel of hers along.

Minutes later,  when she heard a knock, Suzan practically flew downstairs and opened the door, lo and behold, her Mista handsome was there looking all cute in a suit, he gave her “that look”,  that killing look that melts a girl’s heart and memory, that look that makes a girl stupid, that when she hears happy birthday she says same to you instead of just thanks

He gave her a peck and told her how ravishing and dazzling she looked, took her to his car, opened the door and took a bow, men!!  That was it, Suzan thought, ‘if I no marry this guy eh, ah ah,where has this angel been hiding all this years when I was dying of singleness for 4 dreadful years’, Jeff started the car and they took off…….

Watch out for episode 2


I used to be scared to express my opinion, I was scared to sound “stupid,” to be “wrong”
or to invite conflict or challenge, I was always afraid that if I was challenged, I would not
be able to back up my argument with facts,this is because a lot of what I knew came from deep within my soul, so this could not always be backed up by cold, hard facts.
Because of this, I was much more comfortable learning from others, rather than stepping into my dharma as a lady of virtue, a role model and leader, but this comfort eventually grew to discomfort, I was so uncomfortable with keeping myself small; keeping my voice hidden; keeping my truths and the power inside. I knew I was meant
for bigger things — bigger stages, bigger platforms, bigger venues, but I was not allowing myself all of this. I was terrified to stand up in front of people and voice out my truth — but now,i believe so strongly that it is time for girls,ladies,women to speak and
be heard,to lead and be followed also. I believe women hold the key to bringing our world into a greater balance and bringing back the respect for all of humanity. I believe that when we
as ladies join our hands together as sisters, we can accomplish anything.But too many
times we run away from this calling because we are scared of the bigness of it. We are scared to reveal ourselves as being that grand. We are scared to step up on the stage and be visible.
There are a lot of reasons why we are scared or want to hide,We feel shutting
up keeps us safe,keeps us from being hurt, violated, teased, mocked and disrespected,In other words, it keeps us “out of trouble.” This hiding however is starting to backfire
on us. The reason? The world is aching for feminine wisdom to come forward,the world
is starving for feminine compassion and connection,the world is begging for you, as a lady, to step forward with your voice so that you can heal our world.
As girls & ladies, it is time to listen deeply to your calling,be honest with yourselves, be open to ur feminine spirit, the Feminine is trying to speak through you. Speak, Be loud,be
heard, make that change,make a difference, be the difference.

  • #istand4genderequality#
  • #istand4thegirlchild#
  • #istand4women#
  • #istand4ValueIntegrity,Modesty&Excellence #


She is

This writing was inspired by a very beautiful, strong, smart and hardworking woman who happens to be my aunt (Pyemwa Samantha Deshi), and also the movie “Single mom’s club”. Dedicated to all single moms out there.

She’s this, She’s that,

She’s beautiful, She’s strong, She’s brave, She’s Strong willed, She’s agile, She may laugh a few times, She may cry a whole night, her eyes all bright and colourful but behind that smile is a broken-hurting heart, pained-tired-worn-out-eyes and an exhausted body.

She’s a mother, She’s a father, She’s a two way role model.

Single Moms,
Being the heroes you are; grab your sword, wear your own armour, rule the world and be the best at being the mother and father all by yourself, because you have been equipped to do so and yes you can.

Life is all about making mistakes and learning, it is also about the happy, perfect moments and the imperfect ones too, we (your children) see your efforts, we see you do great and we also see you fail at times, but that is how we learn that life is a mixture of the perfect and of failure, of the good, the bad and the ugly.

Never waste your time crying, pouring your frustrations on your children or relatives, instead; laugh more, be wild once in a while, go out and have fun, never withhold your joy, dance even if you’re bad at it, sing at the top of your voice because yes, you are your own heroes.

So I raise a glass to all single mums out there; being a mum is one of the toughest jobs in the world, one that comes with a responsibility like no other job, one that has no fixed timing and probably one which has no retirement. Being a single mum just doubles the responsibilities, managing the home, kids, finances, your job, parents, siblings and relatives.

Hats off to all single mums, you should know you worth more than rubies, more than diamonds,


Dedicated to Pyemwa Samantha Deshi